Instalove

I am not very active on Instagram. But I have it installed anyway. Every once or twice a month, I love to choose one among the many best photos or videos in my gallery and share with my not so many followers, accompanied by a quote from Pinterest. A hundred likes and above gives me chills. Its like talking in a busy market and a hundred people love what you are saying. Do you any slight idea how special that feels like?

I have liked Soniah’s pictures several times. She doesn’t have many. No wonder I have liked all of them. Some I have liked, unliked and liked again. At least it reminds her (mostly reminds me) that I am thinking about her. I know I am not the only one who stocks her anyway! And she is not the only person I keep checking her profile to find out if there is a new update. At times I visit her profile twice or thrice a day. To see if she’s posted something new. At times ni kumchokoza tu. Whatever men! Soniah is not someone you can like her picture once na uondokee! Unless you want to assume that for some reason, the twenty-four point something k followers she has are some idlers from Kenya waiting to be counted (I just had to use this census thing pahali!). Unahesabiwa ukiwa wapi btw! Naskia Luhya’s wametravel kwenda ocha! The government messed up by cancelling that Monday holiday big time.

A few weeks ago, nilislide pale DM nikaambia Soniah, “There are many places a man can take a woman like you, but all I want is to take you out for a coffee date.” Then I added those smiley emojis you people use while chatting with the people you love. She replied with “Thanks.” What on earth was that supposed to mean sasa? I felt yacked! Like when you tell a pretty lady “…Nmekumiss!” and she responds with “tell me about it!!” Madem tuheshimiane btw! I wish she had even said ‘thanks dear’ or reciprocated the emoji thing.

Soniah and I are now friends. We are buddies. At times when you fall for someone you can’t have, bro-zone or sister-zone helps to keep them closer to you. It eases the process of having them call you dear. Once in a while, after a humorous call, your mouth will slide and be like “siz nakupenda.” Before you know it, she will respond with “nakupenda pia bro!” Man’s got to learn how to stop listening after she says pia.

“Are all beautiful ladies like that?” I asked her a few days ago.

“Like how?” she responded.

“You look beautiful. Polite. Humble…”

“But?” she quickly interrupted.

“There are no buts!” I said like a man would say when he is just about to sip some sweet wine (Swallows saliva).

“Aha!” she whispered. I could feel the anxiety in her voice and that eagerness women get when they are about to be told something positive about them. Especially the campus ladies (except wale wa MKU).

“With all your beauty, you want to make people think you are strict and straight forward and no nonsense but, on the inside, you are like a little baby. Innocent. Polite. Humble. And funny.

“I knew there was a but!” she said with a smile. “Thanks dear.” She added. I was tempted to say ‘welcome dear!’ but I remembered my manners. Mum taught me not to call beautiful girls dear. They are used to it. Call them something they would laugh at without knowing why they are laughing. Like ‘Fala-Dush!’

Soniah and I physically met yesterday for the first time. I hadn’t told her that I write and had an interest in tapping into her huge follower base. If I had, she would have asked why her, how I was going to tap into her followers, Bla! Bla! Bla! You know those many stupid questions beautiful girls ask before they say yes to something? Even the things that favour them most.

So, when I dropped the proposal to feature her on my blog, the answer was a strong no. The no of a reserved woman. One with many followers but talks about wanting a private life. I imagined she imagined that I was writing an article about her on Ghafla! Maybe she thought the article would be next to that Vera story and how she attended the baby shower in that funny suit.

“I won’t tell you any of my story but I can give you a topic.” She started to explain. “Write an article that has something to do with willingness, being over-protective, self-care, ambition such things. Most ladies will love it!” She said and winked. I loved it. Not the wink, but the idea. I just didn’t know how it was going to help me tap into her audience. There was silence for a moment. Then the eureka moment hit me!

“There are guys on IG who try to make moves on you?” I asked her.

“I didn’t say that.” She responded.

“Some you like. Some you don’t. But even the ones you like, you can’t allow your heart to be attached to or even to love because your emotional self blinds.” I said. She looked at me without saying a word. The smile on her face was gone.

“You are going to fast by the way. Am still trying to understand why you have to make this about me!”

There was a sudden change in the way she now looked at me. In my head, I was like ‘so even the beautiful ones are afraid to love!’

Someone can easily understand why a not so beautiful or an average lady is heartbroken. But why do men even heartbreak the beautiful ones?